Getting
Connected
By Des Shaw
01/02/14
01/02/14
Making
connections today is as easy as the click of a mouse button; you can talk to
literally anyone in the world now instantly with the use of the internet and smartphones.
For coaches though, the most important connection of all that they make is with
their players. Making a connection with players is crucial for creating an
environment that will allow them to develop and express themselves naturally. I
believe if you make a positive connection, players will respond accordingly and
will want to improve and play hard for you.
Far
too often in my opinion coaches make the mistake of being too totalitarian in
their approach, too stand-offish with players or coach through fear.
These kinds of environments have a detrimental effect to players’ development. I feel
that without a positive connection with players you will never get the best out
of them. But how do we achieve a positive connection with players???
“When you punish your people for making
a mistake or falling short of a goal, you create an environment of extreme
caution, even fearfulness. In sports it's similar to playing "not to
lose" - a formula that often brings on defeat.” John Wooden
(Former College Basketball Coach)
I
pondered over this topic a lot and here’s my take on making a positive connection
with players.
Be Friendly, Smile!
I
know that is common for most coaches/ managers to keep some distance from players because you are
there to do a job and not to become best friends but I think it’s very
important to develop an emotional and friendly relationship with your players. Smile at them, it makes you more
approachable becasue no player wants to go for help from a grumpy looking coach. A lot of
players have a habit of internalising there issues, or difficulties with
training, tactics etc. Being more approachable will you help build a better
bridge for communicating with your players.
Body Language
Your
body language can tell a story, Amy Cuddy describes it best, “Our non-verbal’s
govern how other people think and feel about us.” Be conscious that your body language matches your mood, players will identify it very quickly because as humans we are hard wired to read body language. So it’s important that you exude
positive body language because clenched fists or crossed arms can dissuade a player from approaching you for advice or assitance.
“Our
non-verbals govern how other people think and feel about us.” Amy Cuddy (American social
psychologist)
Get To Know Them, What’s Your Name
Again?
Getting
to know your players names as quickly as possible is key to making a
connection. Using their names will make a more personal connection with them. Players love to be praised, especially when it's individual praise
and you can only do this if you know their names. So learn them fast and make
that connection early.
Talk on Their Level
This
means make eye contact, this shows players that you are fully engaged with
them. It’s so important when working with kids to get down to their level in
order to talk to them. Getting down on one knee to a child's level will help
them learn the important skill of keeping eye contact while conversing. It also shows
that you are ready to give your full attention to them. It’s a wonderful way to
enter a conversation!
Be Empathetic
Empathy is the capacity to
recognize emotions that are being experienced by another person. So being
able to identify if one of your players is down or having a bad day can have a
huge affect on their ability in training. If you don’t act on this it can be
detrimental to your relationship with them which will impact their future development. Drive them
too hard or being over critical on these days and they may resent you for it.
It may damage your relationship with them beyond repair.
“Look, coaching is about human
interaction and trying to know your players. Any coach would tell you that. I'm
no different.” Bill Parcells (2
Time Superbowl Winning Coach)
Two Way Street
Opening
a two way communication process with your players is hugely important to making
that vital connection with them. Make them know that they can talk to you about
the game, their progress or whatever. This is imperative to making a great
connection with them and speaking from experience they will play harder for you. If you don’t they can develop resentment
towards you because they may feel that you do not value their opinion/ thoughts and its logical that they will feel you don't value them.
Take a look at this video - IMPORTANCE OF COMMUNICATION
Find Out Their Interests
Like
a good barman (I’m thinking of a particular one I knew years ago) who can talk
to any customer and will have something to say about their interests, you have
got to try do the same. This is a great skill to be able spark up a conversation
outside of your sport and can build a better relationship with your players. It
shows that you care and are taking a vested interest in them as people not just
as athletes.
“Seek opportunities to show you care.
The smallest gestures often make the biggest difference.” John Wooden
(Former College Basketball Coach)
Ask Open Questions
Some
players are like clams, it takes a lot of effort to get them to open up if you
don’t know how. Ask them open questions. These are questions which cannot be answered
with a simple "yes" or "no", or with a specific piece of
information. It provokes thought before answering and encourages the player to
share more of their opinions or ideas. Instead of, ‘Are you happy with your
performance?’ try ‘What went well for you today out there?’ It’s a great tool
and one that every coach should use.
Balancing Act
Praising
players is crucial in making that valuable connection with them. Every player
loves to hear their name and to get praised for doing well, but you also need to
provide them with constructive criticism from time to time. Getting a balance
between praise and criticism is important. Too much criticism can be
detrimental to your relationship with your player. Try using the ‘Praise
Sandwich’ this involves praising the player and providing them some
constructive feedback followed by more praise.
High Fives, Back Slapping, Hand Shakes
and Fist Bumps
There’s
no doubt that physical contact is part and parcel of most field sports and
players are accustomed to it, but physical contact between the coach and player
can establish a greater bond between them. A path on the back, handshake or
fist bump to some players can be worth a 100 spoken ‘Well Dones’ because there
is something more intimate and honest being shared by the physical contact
being made.
Fun? Your Having A Laugh! Are You
Serious?
Yes
in a more serious and competitive sports world, where coaches and athletes
strive for that optimum performance; fun and laughing have become an almost
endangered species. Having a sense of humour as a coach can help you connect
better with your players, but best keep this impersonal to start with. Incorporating
fun activities into your sessions will always be welcomed by your players such
as scoring drills, crossbar challenges or even simple games of tag. This will
endear you to your players, will develop a better relationship with them and it
will lighten the mood in a far too serious world.
“If you see players who hate practice,
their coach isn't doing a very good job.” Bill Walsh (3 Time Superbowl Winning
Coach)
Making a positive
connection with your players can make all the difference in how they develop while under your influence. Making these
connections requires some hard work and persistence but will prove rewarding in
the end and its best to try develop these relationships as early as possible, trust me you won’t
regret it. These are just some areas which have helped me in the past and I think will help
you too. If anyone has any others to add, just leave a comment. Until next
time.
Do
everything better!
Des
Shaw
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